Facebook Zombies - Allie's Page - Part Three

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Just checked out my “Zombies You May Know” list. Didn’t recognize a single one of them…

I’ve gotten responses from over thirty walking dead agreeing to meet tomorrow night in back of the old Community College Theater. They’re actually showing the cult classic, Night of the Living Dead. The way we’ve got it figured, as the people come out and see us approaching, they’ll think it’s some kind of publicity stunt to hype the movie. It’ll be like taking candy from a baby. Some of us are even thinking about taking doggie bags…

Melanie put up her first post today with the help of her Zombie brother Phil. She has no arms and needs help typing. She said she was eating well but needed a new heart. Seems all the old livers she had in the fridge were still edible but the heart had turned moldy…

My Uncle Mike is the oldest living Zombie on Facebook! He has over three hundred friends. Almost all of them are Zombies with the exception of his nephew Paul. When Paul got wind of what was happening to his family, he ran off and joined the Coast Guard. Rumor has it Zombies can’t swim. He’s been out drifting on the ocean ever since…

Uncle Mike recently posted his fiftieth convert. Some priest named Father John. Seems Uncle Mike was able to shuffle in the back entrance to Saint Thomas’s Cathedral. He somehow made his way into the confessional without being noticed. Said it was dark and not a soul around. No sooner than Uncle Mike could say “Bless me Father for I have sinned,” he was dragging poor John out by the collar. Seconds later he was munching on his left ear. Needless to say it was Father John’s last day hearing confessions…

I’m about to unfriend my first Zombie. Her name is Jennifer. She’s only been among the walking dead for a month and already she’s complaining all over Facebook about being relegated to the back of the pack. She knew the rules when she joined our group. Pacers in the front, shufflers in the middle and laggards in the back. The girl’s only got one foot and that one’s missing its big toe! Where else does she expect to go?...

Not a day goes by when I don’t get some type of virus on my Laptop. Uncle Mike says it’s from spending too much time on Facebook. He claims the West Side Zombies have been sending out all kinds of malware to try and slow us down. Come to think of it, I did have a strange post last week asking me to click on this headless woman to get twenty percent off dinner for two at Zombie Will’s Endless Barbecue Pit. I might have gone for it had she not been Indian. I never was big on curry…

I kind of like the new timeline. Takes me back to my younger years when I wore heels and sported an Aigner bag. Now I’m lucky if I can slip into a pair of flip flops and carry a zip lock bag. Everything is so much harder now. The hunt for food. Dragging the lifeless bodies back home. Kind of miss the old days when all it took to make me smile was a peck on the cheek and a Happy Meal…

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