Facebook Zombies - Allies Page - Part Two

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I love sharing posts from my non-Zombie friends who don’t know I’m a Zombie. In this way my actual Zombie friends can comment on them. Like the other day I reposted a picture of five cheerleaders posing behind their high school. Before I knew it there were over twenty comments. None of them were very appetizing. I quickly deleted the post before the Zombie police caught on to my whereabouts. All I need is for some rookie cyber cop to come knocking on my door, me looking so unpresentable and all…

Whoa! Just got two friend requests from Zombie wannabees. Some guy named Carl who lost his house in a fire and a teenager Shauna, who ran away from home when her boyfriend dumped her for her best friend. Two good candidates. Lonely and down on their luck. Plus their profile page is giving me hunger pains. Think I’ll send them both to the State Forest. In that way, getting them into the fold will be like a walk in the park. Just because I’m a Zombie doesn’t mean I’ve lost my sense of humor…

My Zombie friend Andre keeps posting messages to Clarinda, my Zombie friend I bit in the mall parking lot. She was on her way home from the night shift when I bumped into her. Down she went like a drunken sailor. She never knew what bit her. Anyway, Andre has a mad crush on Clarinda, distorted face and all, and won’t quit trying to woo her. He keeps asking her to meet him here or there and Clarinda keeps ignoring his posts. The man was butt ugly before becoming a Zombie; you can imagine how morbid he looks now. Finally she gives in and comments back, ”Over my dead body!” Andre took that as a yes and is dragging his feet over to her place as we speak…

I think I own the record for spending the most time on Facebook. I’m posting at least twenty hours a day. Since us walking dead don’t sleep and can no longer talk, what better place to spend my decaying years. Now if I can only figure out a way to spruce up my profile picture so that I don’t resemble road kill…

I just got a bunch of messages from my close friends wishing me a happy dead day. How sweet… Now if I can only find that cheating ex-husband of mine, I’d stick a candle in his ear and invite my zombie friends over for cake and ice cream…

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